I love bawlz

2006-06-26T23:14:00.000-07:00

Yellow makes me want to chew my own lips off!!

It was hotter than a mofe in Palm Springs, but sweet baby jesus did we have a damn good time! YEEEE-HAW!

I seriously haven't had that much fun in awhile. I typed this really long blog about it, but decided I couldn't publish it because there was some questionable ass material in there and I don't need any more warrants out for my arrest. (kidding) Anyway, I've been giggling like a schoolgirl about it all damn day!

I swear to God, I feel like I'm living in a movie sometimes. My friends are hilarious and no one you know does the crazy shit we do, I guarantee it!

Anyway, its way too quiet in here. It's starting to freak me out!

2006-06-02T13:19:00.000-07:00

Sweet Mary Mother of Jesus, it is cunting (you like that, dontcha Todd?) HOT as bawlz outside! I feel as though I am going to spontaneously combust anytime I have to go anywhere. This is why I hibernate all Summer, I swear.

I've been a busy broad lately. Work, work, work, more work, and then some hanging out with work people on the side when I can squeeze it in. Ahhh...the mid-twenties...aren't they great? Seriously, its June already? How does that even happen (not like I ACTually don't know how that happens...cause I do...and stuff).

This one time, I was in NYC...and my friend and I went to a bar at noon and got wasted. It felt like it was night time the entire duration of being in there...we met these old carpenter dudes that kept buying us shots and some crazy lady who sold office copiers that wouldn't stop yammering on. That was a fun day. I wish I could go back to that day.

2006-05-27T14:48:00.000-07:00

She don't think straight....no, oh, oh, she don't think straight....

I'm at a pivotal point...according to you feeling from this post, please reply with a yes or a no...

2006-05-12T20:18:00.000-07:00

Promotion, promotion, I got a promotion!

Less than 4 months into the job, and I'm running the department. Not bad, bawlz. Not bad at all.

2006-05-04T00:32:00.000-07:00

One quarter.

Weird.

2006-04-20T18:46:00.000-07:00

Schmoozy McSchmoozerson.

That's me tonight. Despite my bff being in town. We have to race from the airport to a series of nightclubs to entertain clients.

Then my ass is on a flight outta here in the morning to an undisclosed location to do more of said schmoozing.

Schmooze on, bloggers.

2006-04-13T20:14:00.000-07:00

Rawfle...

bawlz: I gotta put some clothes on and go get my shieeet
bawlz: want me to call you?
dudefriend: i'm about to go poopy
dudefriend: so not a good idea lol
bawlz: I hope everything comes out okay
dudefriend: thanks hun, i'll be runnin like greased owl shit
bawlz: take a magazine and some lysol in there too

so easily amused, I am.

2006-04-10T13:15:00.000-07:00

scrote. bawlz.

I'm super crabby today. Please leave me something that will make me roffle. kthx.

2006-04-03T06:51:00.000-07:00

How can love survive in such a graceless age?

2006-03-21T21:19:00.000-08:00

I don't ask for much in life, really, I don't.

All I want is unlimited booze, people to roffle with, a comfortable bed to sleep in til 3 p.m. in, Nip/Tuck and to park in my PWN fucking parking space. Is that so much to ask? For Fuck's SAKE.

This is the second night this week I have come home to this jacked up Jeep with stickers and shit all over it parked in my spot. What.the.fuck!? The first time I let it go...perhaps it was an honest mistake? Not like there weren't 20 other open spots just 5 feet away...but whatever, I'm a pretty cool girl, so I let it go.

Two nights later I come home, and the fucking Jeep is there again. God damn it. Its just the principle, you know? Its so incredibly rude and inconsiderate to park in someone's assigned spot. It really stifles my asshole. So what did I do, you ask? I wrote a very friendly note, complete with smiley faces and all, asking kindly not to park in my spot anymore.

Who wants to bet I have slashed tires and keyed doors tomorrow night? Anyone?

omfg. I hate people.

2006-03-18T16:30:00.000-08:00

My goodness gracious! I have been a very busy Bawlzy lately! I've been working about 12 hours a day on average and this little muffin is beat! Yesterday was my favorite holiday of the year, so I'm sure you won't be surprised to find out I got slizaamered. Somehow I ended up bowling in the wee hours of the morning. God, I love bowling. I actually more like to "bowl-dance" as I call it. The lane is my stage and after a few 16 beers, I am one hell of a performer.

I was at my neighborhood grocery store today when a male passerby said "I love your thongs!"

"Jigga wha!" I thought to myself...and I'm sure the expression on my face clearly communicated that, to which the man looked down at my totsies and admired my flip flops. They are pretty cute.

I got my nails done today, hoorah, hooray! Why I can't learn not to smudge them immediately is beyond me.

And now for a short list of things that piss me off, in no particular order:
-People who drive like assholes. My GOD, just slow the fuck down! No one needs to drive that fast, weave in and out of traffic and rev up their engine in STOPPED TRAFFIC. Fuckwads.
-Interns at work who can't make a fucking copy. How hard is it? Really?
-People who get mad at me for forgetting to get them a drink at the bar when I said I would. My fuckin' bad, okay? Calm your bawlz.
-Taking the garbage out. Could the dumpster be any farther?
-People's dogs who wake me from my recovery sleep the day after "Celebrate your genetically engineered liver day!" at the completely unreasonable time of 2:00 p.m. Hello, people are trying to SLEEP!
-People who call Michael Jackson "Jacko"
-People who say "First annual..." There's no such thing, asstard.
-People who keep their dogs in kennels all day. That's not cool.
-People who don't understand drink buying ettiquette when out with a group of people/among friends. Don't be a cheap bastard.
-Cheap bastards
-People who complain about how broke they are all the time
-People who complain about people who complain

That's about all for now.

2006-03-12T22:45:00.000-08:00

Pwn3d!

I sprained the fuck outta my ankle mangs! Apparently I fell, or something. Anthony tried to scoop me up and save me, but it was too late.

The girls were in town this weekend, so naturally we were a 10-girl entourage taking the city by storm. This weekend PWN3D us! Or me, rather. I'm too old for all this clubbing, skybox, bottle service shit. I really am. My ass can't bounce back like it used to.

On top of that I lost my entire purse, my phone and my camera. Pwnag3! Why do I live? Seriously.

2006-03-01T19:59:00.000-08:00

Teh sickz0rz.

I think I have strep, or tonsilitus or some shit. I've never had either, so I'm not really sure, but I had to call into work today because I felt like I was dying. My glands are all puffy, my tonsils are sitting on my tongue, my ears are all backed up and my neck aches like a mofo. Of course, the joy of starting a new job means I don't have insurance until May 1, so luckily I have very sweet friends who happen to be overnighting a Zpack. Hopefully that does teh trick.

I slept all day and had the worst nightmares. Now I want sushi. Kthx.

2006-02-25T18:48:00.000-08:00

It's been a year now...and you've sadly departed.

Yes, friends, today we mourn the loss of my favorite bra. Red, lacy, Victoria Secret bra. We had some great times together, me, her and the girls, but alas, she met her unfortunate death today when the wire sprung the cup. Trust me, it's harder for me that it is for you. I have many others that I have an extreme fondness for, but she was truly something special. A catalyst for free drinks and uninvited phone number requests, a reliable avenue of support and source for self-confidence, we sadly bid adieu to the red, lacy, Victoria's Secret marvel of a garment.

Let us pray.

2006-02-22T00:50:00.000-08:00

Omfg, people's dogs NEED to stop barking. Seriously, I realize dogs need to bark and stuff, that's just great and dandy, but if it's going on longer than 10 minutes, bring that motherfucker inside! Do you not hear it? Do you think the entire neighborhood can't hear it? People are SUH inconsiderate.

In other news, badooby doo doo bear is back. Woo! Huzzah! The one sunshiney ray I have been eagerly awaiting came, went and it was everything I thought it could be...until Thursday, of course. Double huzzah! Call the townfolk!

I just painted meh tootsies so I can't go to bed yet. Silly me. Silly ball lovin' me. Just as well, you want to know why? Yes, yes you do! Because I can't sleep anyway! I think I have to stop coming home and taking naps on my lunch break. It's totally screwing my sleep schej. I wake up each morning praying that the icy hand of death has whisked me away into joyous land of sammiches and champagne...until I open my eyes and realize I'm already late. Bawlz. And now I can't go to sleepy mcsleeperson like a normal person because I'm up, Up and AWAY!

So I went to see this Sublime cover band the other night. They actually weren't too bad and the lead singer was ha-ta-ta-....ta-ta-ta-ta! I got soupy crunk and made friends with the guys in front of us and then we all went out to grab some yum yums afterward. Weird, eh? OI VEY!

Also, I am pleased to announce that I have been asked to speak as an "expert" on a panel at my alma mater university next month. Holy sweet rockingness! Me? An expert? You bet your sweet bawlz. I'll be talking about my industry and fielding questions from the students and just give them general advice on how to grow up and be awesome (and by awesome I think we all know I mean TOTALLY KICKROCKAWESOMENESS!) like me. Ta-da! So anywhoozle, I had to write my pwn bio. It was weird for me. I hope they don't think I'm a pretentious asshole when I send it in for the program collateral.

Red. I knew you were all dying to know.

2006-02-19T01:16:00.000-08:00

So I like, totally like, had the best night evERRRzzzZ!!!111111

Last night. And I would post the most hilarious pictures everzzz, but in spite of recent events, I know you understand why I am unable to do so. Believe me when I say, though, that last night was one of the most ridiculous nights I've had in a long time, and it was exactly what the doctor ordered.

I went out with two friends (who's names I am also unable to reveal), who both happen to be some of the most entertaining men I know. *Insert jokes about me knowing lots of men here*

Anyway, we partied like rockstars and photodocumented the entire thing, and I was laughing so hard there were TEARS coming out of my EYES today. lolzlolz.

I've been fortunate enough to spend a lot of time with these two in the past month or so, and I seriously get seperation anxiety everytime I have to leave them...until our next adventure, of course. And when I see them, I jump up and down like a school girl and coo because they make me so ridiculously happy.

Apparently we have agreed on giving up drinking for 40 days (none of us our Catholic, but we decided we should try it, because the three of us are turning into really expensive dates). So, we'll see how that goes. Roffle.

2006-02-16T22:37:00.000-08:00

I wish I had something clever and insightful to say today, but I really do not. I had a really shitty day. I'm having a really shitty week, actually, and the clouds don't look to be lifting anytime in the near future.

And now for some other crap:
-My curtain rod is lop-sided and I'm too lazy to fix it, but it's really bugging the shit out of me.
-I haven't eaten in two days because the thought of food makes me want to die, my stomach is completely fucked up from all the alcohol I've been consuming in the past few days.
-One of my very best friends is moving to NYC tomorrow and I don't want her to go.
-Something really incredibly shitty happened last night. Yep.
-I royally fucked up my ankle last night. I think I fell, or something. I don't know.
-Lots of people are getting married/engaged/whatever lately. Weird.
-Lots of people have been singing karaoke lately. Awesome.
-The part of my brain that regulates tact seems to be malfunctioning.
-I'm very happy we have President's Day off of work.
-Work.
-I need to take about a week long nap to catch up on my sleep.

That's pretty much the extent of what I have to say for right now. I apologize if you just wasted an entire two minutes of your life.

2006-02-12T19:15:00.000-08:00

I bought an ass-ton of new furniture today.

I think I'm going to be sick.

I hate being an adult. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

2006-02-02T19:07:00.000-08:00

I love waffles. My god, do I ever love blueberry Eggo waffles. You want to know what else I love? Yep, you guessed it. I love bawlz.

And now for a short list of things I definitely do not love:
-ironing
-putting away clothes/dishes/any items in the 600 boxes I have strewn across my condo
-shopping for domestic products
-waking up in the morning
-this girl who works for me that makes Kristin Cavalleri look like fucking Einstein
-Not having a computer, an email address or business cards at work yet. Fuck! They knew I was coming! What the fuck is this shit!? At my last job, I had all that on the first day.
-driving
-not being able to see anything past ten feet away without my glasses
-paying bills
-people who don't have good manners
-people who don't know the difference between 1970s and 1970's
-people who use two spaces after periods
-the fact that there is still little bits of cork all over my fucking kitchen floor
-aging
-my $345 cell phone bill this month
-slimy vegetables
-being fucking exhausted all.the.time.

But on a lighter note, my new job rules. I would go into detail and tell you how cool it is, but because there are crazies on the Internet, I'll have to refrain. Believe me when I say it is very bad ass though.

2006-01-30T21:27:00.000-08:00

Determination....

I had a long, hard day. I'm not going to lie to you people. Tomorrow is my last day of work, and I plan on doing next to nothing aside from prepping my liver for my party tomorrow night, therefore, I felt the need to get the majority of my last minute shit done today. I was at work til 8-fucking-o'clock. Packing up my desk, saving all my shit, sending out my goodbye emails - all that crapola.

After work, I had to stop by my old apartment, pick up some boxes and then unload those, along with the rest of the crap I didn't unload yesterday, up into my new condo. I did all this in heels and a dress no less, because your favorite bawlz lover was too tired to change just to move. All I wanted was a fucking bottle of wine. Was that so much to ask?

Well apparent-fucking-ly. I couldn't find my fancy schmancy wine opener, as it is packed in one of the boxes covering my living room and dining room area, so I opted for my cheapo liquor store wine opener, as it was all I could find. Well what do you fucking know, the goddamn thing breaks in the cork! Of course! Why wouldn't it!? I don't even like wine! But that wasn't even a factor at this point. I was pissed, and I'd be damned if I wasn't going to pwn a bottle of wine because a stupid plastic wine opener can't do it's fucking job. A solid 45 minutes of plucking, picking and shredding at the cork went by and alas....the angels sang...and I popped that fucking cork through the other side. Did I have beer in the fridge? Yes. Did I have liquor in the cabinet? Yes. The point was that I wanted some fucking wine. I would have taken a side of bawlz too, but that's neither here nor there.

Friends. I regret to inform you that I will not be able to give a review of the Lakers/Knicks game tomorrow night, as I will be highly intoxicated with my soon to be former coworkers and closest business clients at my big going away soiree. Therefore, I will need you all to fill me in on the details. While I'm a little sad to leave my current place of work (for various reasons), I'm not sad to be making more money and working at one of the most innovative places in town for my industry. Nosiree.

Let the pwning of the wine begin!

2006-01-29T19:16:00.000-08:00

I had to delete my old blog because there are some CRAZY motherfuckers out there. And I mean CRAZY. So here I am...back in action. And my God, I love bawlz.

Upsetting loss to Detroit tonight, but somehow, I think I may be able to sleep tonight anyway. Boo has been kicking it up, and kicking substantially more ass as the season has progressed. Aww, boo.

I'm a little sad I didn't get to see the majority of Friday's game, but I made the boys watch for me, despite their disdain for basketball. Tough shit.

This weekend was crazy. My gay boo look-alike was in town and we roffled and pwn3d a lot. Is it bad that I get drunk and pretend he's boo and make out with him? I think not. (lolzlolz). And we went to a wine tasting...oh my god, my liver is still crying. I would have rather died in my sleep than wake up with the hangover I had this morning. It's official, if I ever wake up feeling that way again, I'm taking my pwn life.

Some dickhead stole my phone at the wine tasting, deleted all my messages and made a fuckload of calls on it. What an ass. Needless to say, I had to go get a new one. That's okay, this one is much cooler. I was just doing so well with the non-phone losing streak.

I've lived in my new place for a week now. I still don't know how I feel about it. There are boxes everywhere, none of which I really feel like unpacking. My god, being an adult sucks caulk. I start my new job this week. Hopefully it won't be retarded.